A Funny Mormon Story

It was a few years back, on Christmas Eve. Early in the morning. I had got my holiday bonus the night before and was looking forward to a rare 3 days off. I was walking off a hangover while heading to the local mall to buy my dad a present. Yes,I’m a last minute shopper. Many are. But…

Back to my story.

I was in sight of the mall when this encounter began. Ahead of me I saw a small,older Chinese lady,surrounded by 4 tall men in suits. My first guess? Mormons. As I got within earshot my guess was confirmed.

This lady was trembling in obvious fear,surrounded as she was by these 4 tall men. I had to do something.

I’d just recently read about the Flying Spaghetti Monster. That gave me a plan where I could distract these Mormons long enough for the lady to get away from them.

I was still somewhat drunk at the time,and decided to use that to my advantage. I approached these Mormons and began preaching about the FSM to them,getting my beer-smelling self right in their faces. It had the desired effect of allowing this lady they’d been bothering a chance to slip away.

Now it was my turn to proselytize to Mormons and show them how annoying THEY could be. Because they wanted nothing to do with me and started to walk away. But,I wasn’t done with them. Not by a long shot.

They started to make their way to the mall,me in tow spouting on about the FSM in a pirate accent. Because I was so annoying to them,they gave up on their mall trip and RAN to the nearest busstop. As they waited for a bus I kept up my FSM preaching at them until a bus finally arrived. They were the 1st on the bus,just to get away from me.

I like to think I helped a person that day. I loathe people like the Mormons harassing and proselytizing to vulnerable people. I used their tactics against them. Try it next time you run into some. It’s fun.


Author: pixiehuggles

As my title suggests, I'm an atheist in Alberta. The bible belt of Canada. That says a lot.

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