A Funny Mormon Story

It was a few years back, on Christmas Eve. Early in the morning. I had got my holiday bonus the night before and was looking forward to a rare 3 days off. I was walking off a hangover while heading to the local mall to buy my dad a present. Yes,I’m a last minute shopper. Many are. But…

Back to my story.

I was in sight of the mall when this encounter began. Ahead of me I saw a small,older Chinese lady,surrounded by 4 tall men in suits. My first guess? Mormons. As I got within earshot my guess was confirmed.

This lady was trembling in obvious fear,surrounded as she was by these 4 tall men. I had to do something.

I’d just recently read about the Flying Spaghetti Monster. That gave me a plan where I could distract these Mormons long enough for the lady to get away from them.

I was still somewhat drunk at the time,and decided to use that to my advantage. I approached these Mormons and began preaching about the FSM to them,getting my beer-smelling self right in their faces. It had the desired effect of allowing this lady they’d been bothering a chance to slip away.

Now it was my turn to proselytize to Mormons and show them how annoying THEY could be. Because they wanted nothing to do with me and started to walk away. But,I wasn’t done with them. Not by a long shot.

They started to make their way to the mall,me in tow spouting on about the FSM in a pirate accent. Because I was so annoying to them,they gave up on their mall trip and RAN to the nearest busstop. As they waited for a bus I kept up my FSM preaching at them until a bus finally arrived. They were the 1st on the bus,just to get away from me.

I like to think I helped a person that day. I loathe people like the Mormons harassing and proselytizing to vulnerable people. I used their tactics against them. Try it next time you run into some. It’s fun.


A brief introduction to myself and my perspectives on atheism in Alberta and Canada.

Hello everyone. I’m Jazz Cross,also known as Pixie the Apostle from In The Name of God-The Podcast. I’m an Edmonton based atheist activist who will be offering a Canadian perspective on unbelief in Canada. Being as alberta is considered canadas “Bible Belt”,I feel I have a rather unique view as a very firebrand atheist.

! This blog will be a record of my experiences with the religious fundies through my everyday life. I’ll post personal stories of my encounters with the crazy and the sane religious types. Ive got a great Mormon story I’ll tell next post.Y’all will love it,as it’s very funny. But that’s for later. Let me tell you about me.

I’ve had a complicated life. But who hasnt? I’ve multiple families from divorces and remarriages since I was a toddler. I also grew up during the Cold War. Nuclear annihilation was on my mind since preschool. Not a fun thought as a child.

Now,nuclear annihilation aside, an event happened that brought me, for a decade to Christianity. When I was 7 I broke my skull in a bike accident. If it wasn’t for a competent neurosurgeon I wouldn’t even be typing my story. Which leads to my foray into religion.

Since my mom was attending art college and my stepdad worked late I was put into a program for kids that catered to students in those situations. The councilors who ran the program were very religious. One late evening I talked with a councilor about my fears and nearly dying. That’s when I was introduced to the idea of God. The Christian one. He said God had a plan for me,that his plan was why I was still alive. I fell for it, hook line and sinker. Which leads up to a twist in my journey into my Christian life, for a while.

The principal of my school, as well as the after school counselors ran a lunch time bible study. They preached, played music, and could legally do so. I was there every day. I started preaching when I was 8. I was sucked into the whole scam. Really annoyed my family. (On a side note, id read the Bible through in a month. Didn’t understand it all. But Revelations, my favorite book.) They put me in weekend bible camps,I went to many churches several days a week.

I got out of elementary school to junior high school. I was still preaching. People didn’t like that. I was bullied. A lot. I had started attending the school Christian group often. But…

…something else started happening in my life. I began to question my sexuality. I became more attracted to the girls at school. The popular girls were all over the boys. Literally. And I was the one in the locker room shower trying not to ogle the girls. It was a struggle between my religion and my sexuality. Guess what won? My sexuality. My Christianity died quickly.

But I still wanted a spiritual life. I explored other many religions. Then I met my 1st serious girlfriend. She was a Wiccan. I followed that for a while. It was more open to the lgbt folks. But it didn’t feel right. I was doubting any divine being/s. Then, at a used bookstore, I found the book that made me think, and over a reading, becòme an open atheist. Can y’all guess which book?

Now,being an open and vocal atheist has caused me problems. As id said earlier, Alberta is the Bible Belt of Canada. I can see 3 churches from my back porch. Im banned from talking about religion at work. Unless someone brings it up. And this is by my boss, an atheist, who told me to shut up. Not that I do. I guess my firebrand style creeps people out.

Thats it for this post and a brief introduction to who I am. Next post will be a funny story about a Mormon encounter. Talk to you then.

Pixie the Apostle.